Bush stops war after five years

To the great shock of people everywhere, President George W. Bush recently announced that the United States will be withdrawing from Iraq as soon as possible. Bush issued the announcement on March 20, the fifth anniversary of the US's invasion of Iraq. "Five years is a long time to be in a war. I'm bored with the whole thing, and I don't want my fellow Americans to hate me anymore," said Bush. People have been protesting the war since rumors of war with Iraq first began to circulate. When Bush announced the war was over, some anti-war protestors flooded the streets in celebration. "Peace at last! Peace at last!" chanted crowds of people in the streets of Los Angeles, California. Still, other anti-war identifiers found little cause to celebrate. "The Iraq War is over, and that's great, but we still have troops fighting in Afghanistan. Does anyone remember Afghanistan? I refuse to celebrate until those troops are brought home as well. To celebrate now is premature and irresponsible," said Mary Sunshine, an avid war protestor, in a rally held outside the Capitol Building. Supporters of the War in Iraq were also stunned by Bush's announcement. The "Christian Right" is presently deeply divided on the issue. Many members who identify with the Christian Right have vowed to support all of President Bush's decisions. "Whatever President Bush believes, I believe too," said Edward Johns, a South Carolina mill worker. Still, other members of the Christian Right are outraged by the announcement. "Let's just say President Bush's picture is no longer up next to Jesus," said Rev. J.B. Goode, an Arkansas minister. Even Nebraska Wesleyan University has been rocked by the announcement. Several faculty members, staff, administrators and students had something positive to say about President Bush for the first time in a long time. "I think the President has made a good decision. I hope that this decision will help our government officials to limit government spending and produce a more efficient budget," said Rev. Dr. Presdent Fred Ohles XIII. World leaders have also praised Bush for finally admitting defeat in Iraq. It appears to be nearly everyone's hope that the end of the Iraq War will serve as the beginning of a more united and peaceful global community.